weedhitler:

“Son, I. I have to tell you something. You’re. You’re not my real son…” i said through tears, squeezing the plastic juice pouch in my hand. “You’re just… you’re… YOU’RE JUST MY CAPRI SON”.

boatmobiles:

kanye spotted driving with his new pet chimpanzee riding in the passenger seat

theyellowbrickroad:

party rock is not in the house tonight, but i can take a message and let them know that you called

thefagparadeisdead:

my black nail polish is chipped how am I supposed to truly express my emotions now

nintendoggystyle:

a mental disorder self diagnosing itself with a teenage girl

youngstero:

walk into your friend’s house and say “what’s up with the dead guy out front?”

(you have to murder a person for this joke to work)

theyellowbrickroad:

*does a driveby shooting on a razor scooter*

oprahsmom:

wow it’s so nice out today

maybe i’ll do something fun like jump off a bridge 

puppyluver43:

puppyluver43:

Don’t have the heart to tell him someone sent him anon hate this morning

that rly happened though

mister-comedy:

I just made an anonymous e-mail address and sent this to my music teacher without any description whatsoever